Nail Polish Envy

It's been a while since I've written about a nail polish mishap. Mostly because for the past few months (possibly a bit longer) I've been getting successful gel manicures. And there's not much to write home about when it comes to these...there's a small array of colors (which sucks a little) but they stay put for at least 2 weeks, so...yippee!

But alas, I'm still constantly in awe/extremely jealous of awesome manicures that I could not possibly ever replicate, like these:

experiments in Nail Polish

As you've probably gathered at this point, I always have my nails manicured in some way or another.

These are not my nails. This is a picture of someone else's really fantastic multi-color polka dot nails. When I was a baby, I had a blanket that was covered in polka dots of all different colors, which is what I think drew me to this idea. I also like that it's almost as if something has been created on a blank canvas. Nails as a canvas, imaaaagine that. And also, how hard could it be to put dots on your nails?

Well...these are mine:

So, that's how hard it can be to put dots on your nails. 

I won't be quitting my day job to become a "nail technician" anytime soon.

Another lesson in Manicures

About a week and a half ago I got a gel manicure, which is apparently the best new thing since sliced bread. OPI Axxium is what the product is called. I work with a girl who loves these gel manicures, so hearing about someone's first hand adoration (and not just reading about it in a magazine) convinced me to try it. They say it's supposed to last for over 2 weeks, which is a feat when you work in a restaurant, especially a bar. I'm lucky if I go chip free for 2 days with a regular manicure.

So I get the manicure. The colors are slim-pickings, and I end up choosing a demure pink that under no other circumstances would I ever voluntarily put on my nails. Maybe if I was attending a wedding or meeting a significant other's parents for the first time, but aside from being appropriate for those instances, this color sucked. I feel pushy and rude changing my color choice halfway through the manicure process though, so I stuck it out. Whatever. After an hour, I have a shiny new manicure.

Fast-forward a week and a half...

My index and middle finger are entirely lacking in polish. This is because the gel PEELED off. Literally, in one big piece, peeled off. And as you'll notice, my pinky nail is in severe danger of losing it's polish also.

Remember being a little kid (girl) and having that plastic-y nail polish that was non-toxic? it would come with those little make-up kits. And it would peel off as soon as it was dry. THIS IS THAT.

Ok, it's not the same as that non-toxic junk kids play with, but the result is the same. And now, instead of just being able to wipe the rest of this disaster off with nail polish remover, I have to go to a nail salon and soak it off in acetone.

I will not be getting another gel manicure. Ever.

Is a good deal ever really a good deal?

Judging by the Mani/ Pedi/ 10 minute back massage for $25 that PB and I went for today, no, a good deal is not EVER a good deal.

Yes, the price was right, but there was a reason for it.

The pedicure chairs had wooden covers on them, like the kind taxi drivers put on their seats. And the nice bubbly tubs that your feet go in? no bubbles. no soap. just scorching hot water.

PB opted for just the pedicure and back massage portion, while I was planning to do just a manicure and pedicure. By the time PB was done with her massage, I was still getting my shoddy manicure (aren't you supposed to cover my nail with polish? no, not my finger...my whole nail? isn't that what you do everyday? how can you not achieve this yet??).

PB offered up her credit card to pay for her pedi and back massage. $27. Eh...What?
Turns out it would be cheaper for her to get the manicure in addition to what she already had.

She got the manicure. Mid-way through her manicure, I relocated to the massage chair.

The green, 20-87 year old massage chair was dragged into the center of the shop, a little paper towel was put on the face piece, and I was instructed to sit down. This is what ensued:

1. The paper towel slipped and my face touched the green leather that probably hadn't been cleaned in a decade. Ew.
2. The chair was rickety. Like, really almost about to fall to the ground.
3. The massage was barely a massage. It was a set of hands going at my back as if they were trying to kill a super fast ant that was racing all over the place.
3. While trying to kill the super fast ant that must have existed, the body attached to the set of hands was HUMPING me. To reach my shoulders and neck (which she basically just prodded at) she straddled my back and leaned into me. Personal Space? Not during this "massage".
4. Don't think it can get any worse? You're mistaken. Directly under the face piece that my cheek was touching, there was a metal bar. Every time the woman touched me in her jerky way, the bar slammed into the space between my bottom lip and chin. At one point my tongue was rested between my teeth. I promptly clenched my teeth together after the bar smacked me and made me crunch my tongue.

DING! finally, the bell went off and I was done. I get up and sit down next to PB at the nail drying area.

"How was it?" PB inquires. I look at her and smile. The woman who performed the torture is still standing within earshot.
"Then you must have had the good one, oh my god mine was so awful. She didn't know what she was doing and there was a bar digging into my face the whole time." This entire sentence escapes PB's mouth before I can manage to explain that I had the same loathsome experience. We spend the next half hour or so comparing the crappiness of all that happened.

Cheap is not always better. And here, the icing on the cake:

Disaster

We dried our nails in a foot dryer. Note the words "Pedicure Dryer" clearly stated on the machine. Oh, and see that little wooden thing? That's what all the chairs were covered with. Guess they were going for a theme. Um...mission accomplished?